In many Native American tribes the vision quest was a traditional rite of passage. Young people were ‘tested’ by sending them into the wilderness alone to discover their identity and their life’s direction. They fasted and prayed to attune themselves to the world of Spirit. The quest prepared them to assume adult responsibilities in the tribe according to their unique gifts, gifts revealed during their time in the wilderness.
The vision quest is a helpful lens for understanding what Jesus is going through as he launches into the wilderness immediately after his Baptism. He, too, is being TESTED. The Greek word here means both “tempted” and “tested.” He, too, is fasting and praying, attuning himself to Spirit as he prepares to fully take on his identity and his life-path as ‘the Beloved Son of God, in whom God is ‘well pleased’.
Jesus’ experience of being TESTED mirrors our own in ways we may not see at first glance. As a human being Jesus also has an ego, that part of who we are that wants to be in full control of our personal universe, wants to be the ‘god’ of our little world. The TEST for the ego is to recognize that IT is not God, and to accept that it isn’t God’s will that the small ‘self’ should be in control. The TEST is for that little self to take a back seat and learn to let God work through its small prism of selfhood so that God’s light, love and joy can enter the world.
Jesus’ first TEST comes as a choice—whether to soothe his gnawing hunger by changing stones into bread—or wait for God to satisfy his deeper hunger for union with the Divine. It is an ego test. The ‘little me’ simply wants to eat, while his spiritual Self, his ‘True Self’, as Richard Rohr would call it, recognizes the deeper need of his soul to rely completely on God—the God within.
Only God can provide the REAL food. Jesus’ ‘small self’ could perform a spectacular show of power at this point, but it would be purely a response to his own hunger, not a response to the Divine presence he is seeking. Jesus is learning the difference between his ego and his True Self, His Divine Nature, as we all must. He is discovering the challenge of life, which is to put ego aside and let God’s light and love infuse every cell of his being so that, as Paul says, “it is no longer I that live but God that lives within me.”
Every TEST Jesus faces is a test of ego. Can he relinquish his desire to prove himself, to shine, to exercise power, to claim status, to exert influence over things of this world? Can his ego take a back seat and become humble before the God of Creation?
The temptation of Adam and Eve in the Garden asks this same question, and the first two humans, in failing that test, are set on the path of ego development, the path of evolving consciousness. Putting their little egos first, before God, resulted in an experience of shame, because the ‘little self’ was suddenly exposed and experienced separation from the Creator.
Evolving consciousness is natural and necessary. It eventually leads to the self mastery we see in Jesus. He illuminates the pathway we all walk that leads first to the Cross, and then to Easter. Lent invites us to step onto this pathway with even stronger intention.
Every year we begin Lent with this story of Jesus’ TEST in the wilderness. Many of us bristle at the words ‘temptation’ and ‘sin’, but if we understand these words in the context of ego the words themselves take on new meaning and offer an opportunity for spiritual deepening. What we need to understand is the difference between the ego (also called ‘little self’ or ‘false self’) and the ‘True Self’. The little self, unfortunately, believes it is ‘all-the-self-there-is’. In reality it is just the outer coating of who we are, the Self we develop to interact with the world.
It is the little self that seeks wisdom, the little self that searches for love, the little self that feels and reacts to threats and temptations, experiences insecurity, sins, feels shame and fear, tries to hide but also desires to shine. The True Self, on the other hand, is continually bathed in the knowledge that it is whole, wise, secure and safe in the radiance of God’s unconditional love.
What we see in today’s Gospel is Jesus’ ego relinquishing control to the Divine within him, his ‘True Self’. Satan’s words to him are ego-speak, and they are thwarted by Jesus’ decision to serve God rather than is own ego needs.
Spiritual growth is all about reigning in the ego. This is because the ego trusts itself rather than God. It wants to take all the credit for good things that happen in its life. It believes it can be perfect—can be god-like, and even be ‘god’. It believes it deserves to have what it wants, and has a right to pursue whatever it desires. It thinks it doesn’t need God until, like a small child, it falls and bumps its head! When it reaches a limit it can’t push aside or overcome only then does it reach for God and ask for help.
The ego is the reason we have Lent and it’s why Lent leads us to the cross—where we bump our heads. The cross is where the small self finally learns its limits and turns its eyes toward God.
I know this ego-thing so very well. I see it lurking around every corner of my life. I bump up against it in my perfectionistic tendencies and in the shame I often feel when old patterns reassert themselves seemingly outside my control. Facing the ‘false self’ is frightening, but it holds the only potential for genuine transformation we have. This is the deepest invitation of Lent and it’s why the Wisdom of Christianity lies at the foot of the cross.
The practices of Lent—prayer, fasting and almsgiving, or generosity—are designed for the diminishment of the ego. Prayer anchors the ego in the soil of God’s presence within us—our ‘True Self’—and opens us to God’s grace-filled work in our lives. Fasting helps us recognize those situations and temptations that lure us away from God. It brings us back to the Garden where there are choices: will I serve God or serve my small self? Almsgiving—generosity of spirit—loosens the ego’s grip on our behavior by encouraging an other-centeredness to replace self-centeredness. It takes us back to the Garden of Oneness with God and all of creation.
Lenten practices can be engaged in a superficial way, but that only leads to superficial results. Taken seriously, they can open a path of life and wisdom yielding graces beyond anything we have yet imagined. Make time for prayer. Fast from whatever it is in your life that places a barrier between you and God. And be generous with your time and resources. May the wisdom and graces of this season be yours in abundance, and may Jesus lead all of us on the path of healing and transformation.
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